As part of my recovery I've been telling myself that it's important to eat enough, and I was able to get there, but for quite a while now I have definitely swung too far to the other side and I currently meet all the criteria for binge eating disorder.
Instead of using the haziness of starvation to deal with my feelings, I now numb them with food.
I weighed myself this morning and had a 10 pound weight gain from this time last year. The final few pounds have been relatively slow and steady over the last few months, but I have to face reality: I'm actively gaining weight, and I don't need to - I would still be in the healthy range if I were 25 pounds lighter.
Not to mention that I feel uncomfortable, slow, wobbly, my clothes don't fit and I just really want to be back to my normal self.
So ... It's time to face reality. What I'm doing isn't working. My weight doesn't matter that much to me, but my size is uncomfortable right now.
I have a pair of jeans that when it fits me easily I know I'm at a comfortable weight.
Obviously weight is an easy way to track my progress, so I will be weighing in, but in conjunction with body fat percentage and how I feel.
So I'll be back later with an action plan and my Day 5 post.
Xoxo little birds
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