tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84740523177077140842024-02-19T07:36:09.196-08:00Jam and JabberwockWild ramblings never tasted so good.Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-74704791678845742472017-09-08T21:53:00.001-07:002017-09-08T21:53:57.532-07:00Friday 8 September 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It rained today and felt like a switch flipped and all of a sudden it's fall.<br />
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Intake<br />
English muffin egg breakfast sandwich<br />
Frozen pasta lunch<br />
Granola bar<br />
Veggie quesadilla<br />
Beer x1<br />
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Hydration<br />
About 48 oz water + coffee<br />
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Activity<br />
Just work<br />
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Thoughts<br />
I have to go to court next week as a witness and I'm super anxious about it. Also seems like they could have given me more notice but I just found out today. I work the whole weekend and I am definitely dreading it. I would say it's sort of a pessimistic day. I'll try to improve my attitude for tomorrow.<br />
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Xoxo little birdsErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-48765171361968062372017-09-07T16:52:00.002-07:002017-09-07T16:52:27.780-07:00Having a DrinkI've written before about alcohol intake - it's never been a problem for me but I think I have a very low threshold for worrying about it if that makes sense.<br />
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Or maybe it has been a problem and I've been in denial about it. It's sort of hard to tell. I didn't have a single bit of trouble not drinking during pregnancy or the initial months of breastfeeding with my baby and I know that's not the only criteria but I do find it reassuring.<br />
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I do have a drink most days but also don't find it hard not to. My care of my kid is never impaired. I usually try to follow American Heart Association guidelines for maximum intake.<br />
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I feel like I'm going a little crazy this week with it (not crazy, but just like I might have 2 drinks over the course of a day but separated by several hours.)<br />
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That's because I am sort of excited and sort of afraid that the next week is going to reveal that I'm pregnant and then it's another year of no drinking so I guess I'm trying to get a tiny little bit more in before that happens. I'm sure if I'm not pregnant I'll back off more.<br />
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Because I've been nursing for almost 15 months, and my kid literally <i>just</i> started sleeping through the night without nursing I haven't felt comfortable drinking more than 1 at a time or 2 if he was getting a pumped bottle. I've been tipsy exactly twice in his life and one was last night. I guess I feel like I didn't get a chance to really cut loose and now I might be expecting another. I'm definitely counting my babies before they implant or whatever but I don't know I just have a feeling.<br />
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My approach to drinking is so different this time too. I was completely off caffeine and wouldn't drink after I ovulated last time I was trying to get pregnant - so the whole second half of the cycle. This time I feel comfortable drinking until I have a positive test - the research on whether minimal to moderate intake affects fertility isn't very solid but I'm not <i>trying </i>trying - technically I'm "not trying not preventing."<br />
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My baby fever is definitely growing exponentially though. We'll see how I feel next cycle if I'm not currently pregnant. I'll know for sure by next Wednesday.<br />
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Thanks for letting me think about it and share.<br />
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Xoxo little birdsErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-51621952756487924782017-09-07T16:33:00.004-07:002017-09-07T16:33:43.804-07:00Thursday 7 Sept 2017<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I used to write posts just reviewing the day.<br />
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It's interesting to look back on them because I was using them to document what was most important to me and health-related stuff.<br />
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Intake<br />
Coffee with veggie omelette<br />
Roll and fruit<br />
Black bean and corn quesadilla<br />
Leftover ice cream cake<br />
Dinner will probably be ravioli but I'm writing early so not sure yet<br />
I'll probably have a second beer too<br />
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Hydration<br />
Not great - coffee and a beer, maybe 10 oz water<br />
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Activity<br />
I mean I left my house - but just to drive to a meeting. Nothing if we're honest.<br />
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Thoughts<br />
My kid is sick so that makes things harder. He's clingy and when he's not napping he needs constant attention. I'm only able to write because he's asleep right now. My husband is sick too - pretty sure he gave it to the baby. I work through the weekend this week (that's just every 5 wks or so) but it's not great timing for my people to be sick and need some extra care. We'll be ok though. As long as I don't get sick too. Fingers crossed.<br />
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Xoxo little birdsErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-29236022680758881692017-09-06T22:19:00.002-07:002017-09-06T22:19:36.889-07:00So Defeated<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I'm feeling so defeated.</div>
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7 days until I'm expecting either a period or a positive pregnancy test - but this post isn't about that at all.</div>
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This post is about work. I'm intentionally vague on this blog because I want it to remain anonymous, but I'm a healthcare provider and see patients as part of my daily life.</div>
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Today I left work so <i>angry</i> and I don't know what else to say about it.</div>
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I saw a patient today who I bent over backwards to see and allowed to reschedule when she showed up 90 mins late to her appointment. Sure she had to wait to the new rescheduled time, but I allowed her to reschedule <i>same day</i> which is frankly really unusual. Unheard of. </div>
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I spent a good 2 hours on this family today between no-showing and the reschedule and it was a super frustrating interaction. She wouldn't hear my recommendations for upcoming tests and treatment - she knew best and seemed offended that I knew about the genetic syndrome she had and that I had recommendations about it. </div>
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At the end of the day she called back to say she wanted a different doctor in my practice to be her doctor. </div>
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After all the work and kindness I put in she figuratively slapped me in the face and I'm having a real crisis with this. </div>
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I never get upset when patients switch to a different doc - we all know we have different personalities and it's easier if everyone feels comfortable. In the end I guess this is a good thing - clearly she wasn't comfortable with what I said or something about our interaction.</div>
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I guess I'm just feeling really sad about it anyway.</div>
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I put so much of my heart into these patients and to get thrown away like that from a single interaction after I was so kind about allowing her to be seen so quickly and frankly super thorough and apparently me recommending she get routine surveillance for her syndrome is offensive. </div>
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I don't know I just want to quit everything. </div>
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It also makes me want to never let new patients reschedule like that. Screw it I'm not required to accept them when they no-show. I can say they're not welcome. I don't know why I attract these freaking disasters and just keep trying and trying and trying.<br />
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I'm sick of it. I'm not going to do it anymore. I work so hard to provide a service. I don't deserve to be treated like shit.<br />
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Thanks for letting me vent.<br />
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xoxo little birdsErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-26327411038249698972017-09-04T13:54:00.002-07:002017-09-04T14:06:43.454-07:00Let's Talk About Weight<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/digitaltrends-uploads-prod/2016/05/Best-hiking-apps-053016.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/digitaltrends-uploads-prod/2016/05/Best-hiking-apps-053016.jpg" data-original-height="533" data-original-width="800" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;"><a href="http://s3.amazonaws.com/digitaltrends-uploads-prod/2016/05/Best-hiking-apps-053016.jpg">[Source]</a></span></div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">I want to talk for a minute about weight. Please skip this post if you're triggered by mention of specific behaviors, numbers, etc. This is a very honest post about some eating disorder history along with where I'm at now. </span></div>
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This blog started as an eating disorder blog. Not pro-ED but recovery and intake and how I was dealing with my life.</div>
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I struggle less with that now - I've been recovered for about 4 years. That said, I still struggle with a lot of vices and sometimes I just want to say whatever I think of with censoring it, and that's the purpose of this space. </div>
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So let's talk about weight.</div>
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So you know where I'm coming from:</div>
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I struggled intermittently with restriction and weight throughout my teenage years - nothing too severe, nothing that really met any specific diagnostic criteria, just a lot of disordered behavior and thoughts.</div>
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In college I was sort of "orthorexic" but physically pretty healthy. </div>
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In graduate school [about 8 years ago] I really began to struggle more. If I focused on weight the overwhelming stress and my vague suicidal thoughts faded to the back of my mind. I could calculate calories and not think about my fear of failure and it was a coping mechanism I clung to tightly.</div>
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I'm 5'4" and was about 123 pounds. Perfectly healthy and that's a good set point for me.</div>
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I restricted a lot through the first year of grad school and it got pretty serious as I approached summer. I lost 20 pounds pretty quickly, I lost my period and I was all the normal things - cold, tired etc.</div>
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It was time to start the next year of grad school and I shifted my focus to being "healthy" - so I ate minimal calories but more than before and trained for half marathons. I gained weight rapidly as soon as I stopped seriously restricting and that was <i>really</i> hard. I had all these clothes I suddenly couldn't wear and all my body checking was devastating and it was really really tough. </div>
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I spent the next 3 years trying to be that small again while still being able to function and stay out of treatment. It was very Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. Sometimes it was strict calorie counting. Sometimes undereating. Sometimes over exercising. Sometimes a strict meal plan that I found on the internet. I became vegan. I did a rotation in the eating disorder for part of my training and that was super weird because I really identified with all of the patients in treatment but I didn't want help and didn't feel "sick enough." I went to counseling for a bit because I started binging and purging but it wasn't a good fit and I was got scared about the danger of doing that and went back to over exercising. It was all about the weight and numbers but it was really all about avoiding my stresses. </div>
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I don't know if I've ever really tried to summarize this period of my life before - it's hard to do. </div>
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I joined Overeaters Anonymous for a while thinking it would help me eat healthy and not binge. I went to meetings for about a year. It's a really strange world and I found some women I really admired but ultimately it was a terrible fit for me. I wasn't binging because I needed to admit my mistakes and share them or whatever - I was binging because I was still starving. I lost a bunch of weight living on restriction and alcohol. I was tipsy a lot. </div>
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I started the next phase of my training and maybe it was the dramatic change in location or stress or the pattern of my life or the security of my marriage but it just got suddenly easier. I don't think people outgrow eating disorders, but I started coping better, I was really ready to let those behaviors go, and I settled back in at 123-128 pounds, stopped weighing myself, stopped counting calories and just went about my life. I probably replaced it with a TV addiction, but that was ultimately less damaging to me both physically and mentally.</div>
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When I felt ready to try to get pregnant, I was so grateful for the progress I'd made, because it didn't feel scary to gain weight or have these drastic changes in my body. It was still weird, but I felt great during pregnancy. I gained a total of 27 pounds (healthy for pregnancy) and it was a lot easier to be healthy while growing a tiny human. </div>
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I was only up 5 lbs from pre-pregnancy just 2 weeks after and I settled in at 10 lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight for most of the first year of my kid's life.</div>
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I've since gained a few since stopping pumping at work, but I'm still lower than my normal set point of 123-128. </div>
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And I think I might be pregnant again, which means I'll go back up again. </div>
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Weight is so weird. Sometimes I care so much and sometimes I don't care at all.</div>
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The hardest part is when I outgrow clothes I like. I have to put them away out of sight immediately or they make me sad. </div>
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And that's all I wanted to say for now.</div>
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xoxo little birds</div>
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Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-10466636568105859352017-09-02T16:56:00.003-07:002017-09-02T16:56:33.824-07:00Am I Pregnant?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs2XJS_xkPaQItSoSPycG74lL7ejtSua3RfcRgugir3njmR7OZDB8ZdhuKy1-1RcnmiXrK0SNK7XRU3JErCIEL0zy6IHsM_IgeG5sgzy4MkXVOBBiI6r0Nat0g3NImD7L-eyx8ogT5dfE/s1600/blogger-image--1673388989.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="279" data-original-width="640" height="139" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhs2XJS_xkPaQItSoSPycG74lL7ejtSua3RfcRgugir3njmR7OZDB8ZdhuKy1-1RcnmiXrK0SNK7XRU3JErCIEL0zy6IHsM_IgeG5sgzy4MkXVOBBiI6r0Nat0g3NImD7L-eyx8ogT5dfE/s320/blogger-image--1673388989.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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It's 100 degrees today outside. I'm inside though and it sort of feels nice.<br />
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I mentioned in my last catch-you-up post that I got super obsessed with trying to get pregnant in 2015 when we were trying. We were very blessed to have a healthy pregnancy within about 6 months (after a loss unfortunately).<br />
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So now it's been 2 years since I was last trying to conceive.<br />
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I was thinking about how I really wish I had a different personality when it comes to this kind of thing.<br />
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I sort of picture myself going about my life, so busy with interesting things but having great, spontaneous sex with my husband every so often and all of a sudden thinking "Oh wow my period is late," and taking a test and being surprised about being pregnant.<br />
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But that's really <i>really</i> opposite of my actual personality.<br />
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I'm actually super Type A and even though technically for the past 2 months we're "not trying not preventing" (NTNP) I'm still super aware of my cycle and when I'm fertile and how likely I am to get pregnant and how long I have to wait to know etc.<br />
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The first month not using any contraception I felt nervous and not ready for another pregnancy, but this month I found myself excited and hoping I'm pregnant.<br />
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It's only been a couple days since ovulation this month - so even if I'm going to be pregnant this month, I can't say I am yet. Implantation wouldn't even have happened yet.<br />
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And yet I'm doing all this symptom spotting and hoping. We'll know in 11 days I guess.<br />
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In the meantime, I'm having an extra drink because if I turn out to be pregnant it's another long 9 months of sobriety.<br />
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xoxo little birdsErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-9205615006132570232017-09-02T16:43:00.000-07:002017-09-02T16:43:29.379-07:00The Past 2 Years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I haven't written a post here in over 2 years.<br />
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Trigger warning: miscarriage<br />
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In part I was writing on another blog that isn't anonymous, and in part it was just a very busy part of life and in large part I stepped away from writing all together.<br />
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My last post I wrote about feeling like I was drinking a little too much and that I was planning to start trying to get pregnant soon after. I do think some of what I wrote was just a little reactionary to being hungover when I hadn't been in ages, but it was still good to cut back a little.<br />
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I'd like to catch you up on the past 2 years. I'll try not to make it too lengthy:<br />
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- I started trying to get pregnant in April 2015, it was easy to stop drinking for that.<br />
- I was totally obsessed with trying to conceive - I took ovulation tests, I charted my temperature, I made sure we had our best chance.<br />
- I got pregnant in July 2015. I was so excited.<br />
- I was on vacation at a wedding when I started bleeding at 7 weeks. I slowly bled through the whole trip with in-laws all around knowing that I was probably losing my baby and not being able to do anything to stop it. We hadn't told them I was pregnant, and we didn't want to ruin such a happy event, so we kept it between my husband and me.<br />
- When we got back home I went in to be seen for the bleeding. They measured me at 5 weeks, but I should have been 7. Since I'd been so obsessed with the whole getting pregnant thing I was <i>very</i> sure about that. They couldn't confirm then that it was a miscarriage because things looked intact and if I really had been 5 weeks, they wouldn't have expected to see a heartbeat.<br />
- I kept bleeding for a week until my follow up appointment.<br />
- At my follow up they confirmed what I already knew - that it was a miscarriage. Since it was already progressing I didn't need a procedure.<br />
- I was on a night shift in the intensive care unit when I finally miscarried. It happened and I had to go right back out and admit a patient. It was horrible even though I was expecting it.<br />
- I had a hard time with the whole thing, but felt ready to try again within a couple months.<br />
- I got pregnant again at the beginning of Oct 2015.<br />
- This time it was healthy and I had a baby boy. He's a toddler now.<br />
- I finished training for my career in June 2016 as well.<br />
- I moved across country with my new baby.<br />
- I started a new job.<br />
- I bought a house.<br />
<br />
I wouldn't say I'm doing a great job with my life right now - there's so much I'd like to work on to be healthier, happier etc. But really things are ok.<br />
<br />
xoxo little birds<br />
<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-66895439009547977252015-03-08T20:00:00.000-07:002015-03-08T20:00:32.577-07:00One Addiction to Another<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I spend the weekend in gorgeous Colorado.</div>
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It was a 6 hour drive each way for only one full day though, for a wedding.</div>
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I got super drunk last night and I was so hungover today for the drive back.</div>
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Miserable.</div>
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Now I'm watching TV and wondering how long it's going to take me to pack up all my stuff to move tomorrow.</div>
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I have not been making good choices lately. </div>
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This trip was great but in terms of taking care of myself I'm having a hard time.</div>
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Today is the first day in I think a full month that I haven't had a drink. </div>
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A full month.</div>
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And it's not just 1 drink a day. Most days I've had 2-3 drinks, sometimes more.</div>
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I've probably been drinking too much for a couple years now. When I think about it with a clear head, it's actually not surprising at all.</div>
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I went from one addiction to another - when I mostly stopped starving and over-exercising I told myself "this is a good thing, you're recovering, you're getting better." And it was - I don't want to ignore the progress I made - but I didn't finish dealing with why I using my eating disorder as an escape and I started using alcohol for the same reason.</div>
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I think I need to invest a little in my emotional well-being now. It's time to stop ignoring the things I'm struggling with and in order to do that I need to have a clear head for a little while.</div>
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I'm not going to 100% stop drinking indefinitely - that's coming up soon anyway because I'm going to start trying to get pregnant - so in the couple months left before we're planning to start trying, I just want to cut back to not drinking most days, never drink enough that I feel hungover or that it affects my sleep, and follow American Heart Association guidelines - meaning no more than 7 drinks a week. </div>
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I think to start with I'm going to not drink for the next 7 days - it's just been a long time since I went that long and I actually think it's going to be really hard. Like really hard.</div>
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I have certain conditioned times of day when I crave it - like right when I get home I like to have a beer and with certain meals I really want red wine and if there's a bottle already open then I'll see it and always pour myself a glass. </div>
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I'm about to go to bed, so that's 1 day down.</div>
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One day at a time. </div>
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xoxo little birds</div>
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<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-23659306258233109612015-03-05T19:18:00.002-08:002015-03-05T19:18:25.050-08:00Thursday March 5 2015<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I write daily posts on this blog - that's been my style for a while. Sometimes I take months off and then I come back and try to pick up where I left off. I wrote a couple update posts yesterday because I'd been gone for so long, but now back to my normal style.<br />
<br />
Intake<br />
Avocado toast<br />
Salad, bean and rice soft taco, brownie<br />
Banana<br />
Diet pepsi<br />
Ice cream<br />
Rosemary Olive bread with oil and vinegar<br />
Beers - Porter, x2<br />
Tofu sauteed with cauliflower, onions and olives<br />
<br />
Activity<br />
Nothing<br />
<br />
Hydration<br />
16 oz water, coffee, pepsi, beer - no wonder I have a dehydration headache<br />
<br />
Thoughts<br />
Well I didn't actually do that great a job with the whole plan I had last night for other activities after I got home. I did cook and do laundry so at least there's that. This was just not a great day - I found it really draining and not very fun. I'll probably still stay up for the next 3 hours watching TV or YouTube without even meaning to because I'm not exactly the queen of great decisions. I wasn't happy with my food today and overall I've just been feeling sad. I'm still functioning I guess - I mean I'm sleeping like 6 hours a night and I'm still showering and making it to work but I'm really unhappy.<br />
<br />
xoxo little birdsErinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-45799787680100050882015-03-04T21:13:00.001-08:002015-03-04T21:13:40.322-08:00Tea Time with ScheduleAll right birds I'm sitting down with some peppermint tea to think a little about what the disconnect is between ideal life and the life I'm living right now and come up with some thoughts.<br />
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I usually evaluate my life by category, but today I'm going to try something new and go through my daily schedule - compare what I'm doing to what else I could be doing that might be better.</div>
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6 AM</div>
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Real life: First alarm goes off but I turn it off and go back to sleep. Often feeling a little hungover.</div>
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Better life: Get up, work out with either lifting or running for 20-30 minutes.</div>
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7 AM</div>
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Real life: Get up, shower, start coffee and breakfast, ready by 7:45</div>
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Better life: Similar, but I'd already be up and it wouldn't be so rushed. I do listen to music and I like that so I wouldn't change that.</div>
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8 AM</div>
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Real life: Arrive at work</div>
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Better life: No there's really no difference here - I always arrive on time.</div>
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[At work until 5 PM - I work well, I can always have a better attitude but my work hours aren't a concern]</div>
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5 PM</div>
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Real life: Leave work and go home, sometimes stop at grocery store.</div>
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Better life: Well, similar I guess. I guess I'd like to be a little more focused and planned at the grocery store, both for my health and wallet.</div>
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6-10 PM </div>
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Real life: Usually I'm watching TV and drinking.</div>
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Better life: Well the tough part about this is I don't like saying that's how I spend my evening, but what to do instead?</div>
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- Knit</div>
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- Read</div>
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- Spend 10 minutes doing yoga/stretching away the tension of the day</div>
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- Blog</div>
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- Take pictures</div>
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- Listen to music</div>
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- Pick 1 TV show to watch or YouTube for no more than 1 hour</div>
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- Read something educational or work on questions or modules</div>
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- Work projects: Research, quality improvement etc.</div>
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- Pay undivided attention to my husband</div>
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- Take my dog on a walk</div>
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- Clean the house or do laundry or other chores</div>
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- Cook dinner and eat slowly</div>
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- Drink tea</div>
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Go to bed by 9-10 PM. Don't take the iPad with me.</div>
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I think those are some good ideas.</div>
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We'll see how it goes.</div>
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xoxo little birds</div>
Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-48497185591166303562015-03-04T19:36:00.000-08:002015-03-04T19:36:45.026-08:00Start Again<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
It's winter and I like that. I like snow and the way it covers up all the parts of the world that don't look good and makes it feel like a fresh start.<br />
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<br />
It's been long enough since I last wrote that a proper update is in order.<br />
<br />
I'm Erin.<br />
<br />
I'm 27.<br />
<br />
I work in healthcare with kids.<br />
<br />
I'm married.<br />
<br />
I have a dog but no kids of my own yet.<br />
<br />
I've rarely met criteria for any particular eating disorder, so I've just been a nebulous EDNOS girl.<br />
<br />
I intentionally write this blog anonymously because I like being able to share with a community like you without even thinking twice about how what I'm saying looks or if it's professional or if it's hurtful to the people in my real life.<br />
<br />
I like to tell the truth, even it's behind a pretty screen.<br />
<br />
So that's the deal. And now back to my usual format:<br />
<br />
Intake<br />
Avocado toast with tomatoes<br />
Granola Bar<br />
Potato Chips<br />
Steamed vegetables and salad<br />
Chocolate Muffin<br />
Apple<br />
Toast with jam<br />
Veggie quesadilla<br />
Sweet potato fries with BBQ sauce<br />
Red wine - 2 glasses<br />
<br />
Activity<br />
I started to - and then I just didn't feel good. So I didn't.<br />
<br />
Hydration<br />
Tea and about 20 oz water, coffee and a diet pepsi<br />
<br />
Thoughts<br />
I've been living alone for the past month (to work an another hospital) and I only have a couple days left and I'm nervous in a way about going back to live with my husband. I'm mostly excited, but I also feel like I've developed some bad habits and I'm not sure if they're going to be easy or hard to break. I've been drinking probably 2 drinks a day and that's not healthy, I'm messy, not doing dishes, staying up super late watching TV and youtube etc. and then sleeping to the last possible moment in the morning, I am actually exercising more regularly than like back in December, but worse than January and February of this year. So we'll see - I just feel like I've been distracting my sadness instead of facing it and not taking good care of myself at all. Maybe I'll write another post with some ideas about changes I could start with.<br />
<br />
xoxo little birds<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-75107513505693955112014-08-21T00:53:00.001-07:002014-08-21T00:53:15.109-07:00Wednesday August 21<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPap8jRDjys0ChT0kpOzT3QZVIpm6udat38cGFZVrRlBn7tHQQPDdDS3dT0antSaSCRQin_yR5jj5pUCAfNpPhRw-Bc4VanLdU19dXk6-XLEmSP-vUK2KaJ4xSNJGob0BjHlH1aGtfbk8/s640/blogger-image-670195948.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPap8jRDjys0ChT0kpOzT3QZVIpm6udat38cGFZVrRlBn7tHQQPDdDS3dT0antSaSCRQin_yR5jj5pUCAfNpPhRw-Bc4VanLdU19dXk6-XLEmSP-vUK2KaJ4xSNJGob0BjHlH1aGtfbk8/s640/blogger-image-670195948.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Remember when I wrote everyday for like 1.5 months? Well I stopped but I'm not sure why. I guess I moved on to a new chapter in my life and it just wasn't in my routine anymore.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Anyway I may start again.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Breakfast potatoes/fruit</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Quinoa stirfry</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Strawberry banana smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Fig bar</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pretzels</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">None</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Oh. Man. Coffee? Really bad today. Like no water.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So I'm on nights right now, which is what I was working when I stopped last time which is like a weird little fold in the time blanket. It's hard. It's busy and then it's too slow and my stomach is always upset and I can't sleep when it's not busy but I want to sleep when it is and it's just hard. That's my life right now. Just hard.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-9183560961394246142014-06-23T03:44:00.001-07:002014-06-23T03:44:41.270-07:00Sunday June 22<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhospgAN8MNyg8H_CXOO6ZbcSAZ4SFYV3YJbFlcn5ppk5OTDvhc7a7-6n5734HgvCLmBUjWV_U7tb5nrFEgNDDaOJRhtlUriZfkqVnca6SYiWZUxm3gbphnMGCDBHx9eZCHwyQff3vMfMY/s640/blogger-image--1783236195.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhospgAN8MNyg8H_CXOO6ZbcSAZ4SFYV3YJbFlcn5ppk5OTDvhc7a7-6n5734HgvCLmBUjWV_U7tb5nrFEgNDDaOJRhtlUriZfkqVnca6SYiWZUxm3gbphnMGCDBHx9eZCHwyQff3vMfMY/s640/blogger-image--1783236195.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Back to work today. I thought the weekend would feel a little longer but I was so tired all the time I just basically ate and napped.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tofu breakfast hash</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Portobello burger</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Few chips</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pretzels, veg with hummus</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Banana blueberry smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Walk to work</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">30ish oz.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I have the rest of this shift and 2 more and then I'm done with wards for the month. I'm pretty excited but I do feel like these next couple days are really standing in my way. I've been trying to think about ways to enjoy my life more right now without always waiting for the next break but it's really hard. I'm trying to think of moments to pause and be grateful:</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">1. Lying in bed in the cool morning with the fan on at the end of my shift.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">2. Opening my jar of juice or smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">3. Petting my dog who's always happy to see me no matter the time of day</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">4. Putting on my scrubs and how comfortable they are</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Ok that's a few. I'll keep trying.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-39072593194404399352014-06-21T22:17:00.001-07:002014-06-21T23:24:08.929-07:00Saturday June 21<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY_s0nl6Ica1iXeRehZ5zWx1roDIRTTstma086HNfdd3ParReYgpcoU_4E0tgihyphenhyphen9aJzqDpKBhNcoqdAFVbjNyrXt-VI2sfqDuNmnAHffB0AFXpBsfXdni4Ts-zkW6tygWr_MnLA5Vy9Q/s640/blogger-image-1114941683.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjY_s0nl6Ica1iXeRehZ5zWx1roDIRTTstma086HNfdd3ParReYgpcoU_4E0tgihyphenhyphen9aJzqDpKBhNcoqdAFVbjNyrXt-VI2sfqDuNmnAHffB0AFXpBsfXdni4Ts-zkW6tygWr_MnLA5Vy9Q/s640/blogger-image-1114941683.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The solstice today was fine but I hardly left the house.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I started the day with a breakfast date with my family. The watched a fair amount of TV, napped, and hosted dinner with more (different) family. Everybody's in town right now and it's a little overwhelming.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Oatmeal with strawberries</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Leftover veggie fajitas</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Sicilian pasta/baguette</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Apple</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Wine x2 glasses</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Dog walk</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I actually did really poorly today - I didn't even think about it because I had the day off, but I probably had 20ish oz with various meals and none in between.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">My day off is over way too fast, I work again tomorrow night and I feel like I did almost nothing but sleep and laundry. I'm so excited for the end of this stretch of work. I'm just done.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-53690097372217184642014-06-20T22:38:00.001-07:002014-06-20T22:38:42.729-07:00Friday June 20<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrd741uCq1hZRlkyJoS9dIbEOisuTFrCktfOO6lL1gRPtfDlXkbxNfZtHMtGqgIcbW1iSdzMg4canEgMvXpi9b6Dslis5iRB9PWAlt-rJXd3OXT04f4Y8WC53yg6v1klQcM_lEbeqIdI8/s640/blogger-image--1535100772.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrd741uCq1hZRlkyJoS9dIbEOisuTFrCktfOO6lL1gRPtfDlXkbxNfZtHMtGqgIcbW1iSdzMg4canEgMvXpi9b6Dslis5iRB9PWAlt-rJXd3OXT04f4Y8WC53yg6v1klQcM_lEbeqIdI8/s640/blogger-image--1535100772.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tomorrow is summer! Officially anyway even though it's felt like summer here for a while. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Also I reached the end of my 12 days in a row work stretch and woooooo finally have a day off.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pastry</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Apple</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Veggie fajitas/chips</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Bran flakes</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Couple chocolate chips</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Grapes</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Wine x1</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Dog walk and work walk</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I drank a ton of water at dinner cause the salsa was really hot but idk how much. Hopefully I hit my 48.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Well being on night shift I didn't really have my nightly ritual of posting and that did make it harder to remember exactly what I'd eaten and be accountable. Still, I tried to stay no ore than a day behind. When I woke up this afternoon knowing I didn't have to go in for a shift tonight and I could spend more time with my family it was a great feeling. It's late now and everyone else is sleeping, I'm going to head that way in about 20 mins, I'm just trying to soak up a little more quiet grateful time at the beginning of my weekend. See you soon,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-42770706809908226372014-06-20T21:38:00.001-07:002014-06-20T21:38:49.952-07:00Thursday June 19<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7L667X93Qy1ijwmbUSMxEDdtXvnNCsYjjz_p1OmzR9DU2j6ncvsKwtX5ECy4sB8buqgoPzM_KXo2URSkKYka6QZGtayd31n4KP8iA8RVaoqkd5FxuEC0C1PE3tEwJfNbhkCRngaV85Qk/s640/blogger-image-298992934.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7L667X93Qy1ijwmbUSMxEDdtXvnNCsYjjz_p1OmzR9DU2j6ncvsKwtX5ECy4sB8buqgoPzM_KXo2URSkKYka6QZGtayd31n4KP8iA8RVaoqkd5FxuEC0C1PE3tEwJfNbhkCRngaV85Qk/s640/blogger-image-298992934.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pbj sandwich</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tofu scramble</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Lo mein</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Larabar</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Walking to work</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">40 oz. - 32 of which was an awesome jar of cucumber water</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">See the Friday post - as usual I have no idea what I was thinking yesterday.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-24389386328487501152014-06-20T21:21:00.001-07:002014-06-20T21:34:50.021-07:00Wednesday June 18<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFW1bBvG5o3g_QvPZA4MkD7sR316TwAD1z9FatGkVA9UwKgnbI6ynFWKQuqDyToIWiMIcmevGQS6R0trXlvqf5j-mQxfwBXYFY3ye0EKCvvZ2raeciDMU9c_Gt1boSzgaKVoOLh0Bgc4Q/s640/blogger-image-1709555144.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFW1bBvG5o3g_QvPZA4MkD7sR316TwAD1z9FatGkVA9UwKgnbI6ynFWKQuqDyToIWiMIcmevGQS6R0trXlvqf5j-mQxfwBXYFY3ye0EKCvvZ2raeciDMU9c_Gt1boSzgaKVoOLh0Bgc4Q/s640/blogger-image-1709555144.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Trying to include a few more fashion-y posts in addition to the usual nature/scenery.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'm way behind on posts so I'll just get into it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pbj sandwich</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tofu scramble</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Larabar</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Banana blueberry smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Salad</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pretzels/hummus</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Walking</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">40 oz</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Idk - I'm behind so I'll put it all in the post that's for today...keep reading.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-29999346987911684182014-06-17T22:21:00.001-07:002014-06-18T00:48:12.282-07:00Tuesday June 17<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4WQ2IzLia_OCB1gg0BzowTqy0McQQXHj1Pg82YEKpFSty4NXmwQW9z-Gkl7ZWkAe-IAnUHpwls-RY1r7pSRTyt-dnPPeQFgRAQ-VqwoV6lKxhlHjqEPT_jvU1nYL9cgmqWasO7YNGEdc/s640/blogger-image--859929020.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4WQ2IzLia_OCB1gg0BzowTqy0McQQXHj1Pg82YEKpFSty4NXmwQW9z-Gkl7ZWkAe-IAnUHpwls-RY1r7pSRTyt-dnPPeQFgRAQ-VqwoV6lKxhlHjqEPT_jvU1nYL9cgmqWasO7YNGEdc/s640/blogger-image--859929020.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So I find it kind of confusing to write about my day when I'm on night shift. I try to stick to talking about it in normal day hours - I just sleep in the middle of it. This morning (yesterday morning? See this is so confusing) I could barely stay awake for teaching I literally fell asleep in an almost one on one lecture, but idk what they expect when we're supposed to work for 13.5 hrs overnight and then come listen to a lecture.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hashbrowns and fruit</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Chips and hummus</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pasta with peas and marinara</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Berries</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Larabar</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">32 oz cucumber apple orange spinach juice</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I walked home from work and back again. It was enough - I'm dead tired.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pretty ok? I'm still working on a bottle of water right now.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I am loving my juicer. I've taken 32 oz of juice with me to work each of my shifts this week and it's filling but also I think sits better with my digestion. Plus I'm getting in so many greens it's awesome. Overall I'm finding it really hard to be rested because I have to sleep during the day and I can't really stay asleep more than 6 hours. Don't get me wrong - 6 is great and it could be worse, but I just really need 7.5 to feel like myself. I depend on the light and it's confusing for me to sleep during the day instead. I'm overall ok. A lot of lifestyle goals go by the wayside when I'm on nights: I just try to survive, but I'm trying to find time to take good care of myself and enjoy the few hours I have when I'm awake and home to spend with family.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">That's all I guess.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-57132332507081820612014-06-17T22:18:00.001-07:002014-06-17T22:18:22.241-07:00Monday June 16<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgpYuPOD_xXuMsS26Itj39nCq7F5J0D0_R6_nWDP1RwMtARgdGq4alBq1nHx4lryciGzXyRwUGFTLCmZsveIwnF6QSc0JOkE1YIX5pVCq_GZa6MvbVJFDDG0OeNsoZkgisNee6_syoDxw/s640/blogger-image--639079493.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgpYuPOD_xXuMsS26Itj39nCq7F5J0D0_R6_nWDP1RwMtARgdGq4alBq1nHx4lryciGzXyRwUGFTLCmZsveIwnF6QSc0JOkE1YIX5pVCq_GZa6MvbVJFDDG0OeNsoZkgisNee6_syoDxw/s640/blogger-image--639079493.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Ok so I'm just buried in the work right now but doing ok, late entry for yesterday.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pb banana toast</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Berries</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Chips/black bean corn salsa</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Small pasta dish</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Homemade juice</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Nothing? Pretty sure nothing.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Had quite a bit of cucumber water - so good!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The problem with late entries is that I don't really have anything to say because I'm about to do another post with what's going on right now, so I think I'll just get to that.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-27170857725367569402014-06-16T01:23:00.001-07:002014-06-16T01:23:38.601-07:00Sunday June 15<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGMzgLpeoTflM1uNpVtjz1VChZFBPdK9O9ufXJpf3EkKzLj339gm5skA1XfotVguN13wJyRgatKbTgTjPFelQP2l6OwrgQlJtytcI3sGM0w9MhBere0thwoWfrLNRdVdf_Di6wKzAVVPM/s640/blogger-image--529678330.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGMzgLpeoTflM1uNpVtjz1VChZFBPdK9O9ufXJpf3EkKzLj339gm5skA1XfotVguN13wJyRgatKbTgTjPFelQP2l6OwrgQlJtytcI3sGM0w9MhBere0thwoWfrLNRdVdf_Di6wKzAVVPM/s640/blogger-image--529678330.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Pic from the concert yesterday.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So today was weird as it always is when I start night shifts, because it feels like a day off until I go in to work at 5 pm. So now it's the middle of the night and I'm doing my daily post from work.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But it was a fun day, I slept in after being out late dancing, we went to Church, Costco, a farmers market, I tested out the juicer (so awesome), and then went to work.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Peanut butter banana toast</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Black bean corn taco salad</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Fresh lemon apple spinach juice</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Larabar</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">32 oz fresh grape/kale juice</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Nothing strenuous, but night shift is a fair amount of running around</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Very poor actually - probably like 20 oz? But there was fresh juice.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'm so happy with my juicer, it was kind if a lot of pieces to clean but I learned some things already and the juice is so good. More importantly, I usually get really uncomfortable, gassy etc. over the night shift when I eat, I think because my stomach just isn't awake, but I had the juice starting around midnight and I think it's digesting way easier. I actually feel ok. I'm also surprisingly full. So yeah, juicing, happy. I still have 4 more hours for this shift to get crazy. We'll see.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-35972237401477029262014-06-16T00:52:00.001-07:002014-06-16T01:23:30.864-07:00Saturday June 14<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnT5HZ2FwCpVj7NDVXkMD0EUcwZQPXi7csV7K1agEH1uNA0zMSHh4Fb6iWMdle6lIbuuZMzaNvb6zUCMEORWmlkcHcBO7X9HG_-sgsrCzO7dbZBPH4gFZ6ba1bmNmkoQd1zarMoN4_FfQ/s640/blogger-image--15931934.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br><br></a><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;"><span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnT5HZ2FwCpVj7NDVXkMD0EUcwZQPXi7csV7K1agEH1uNA0zMSHh4Fb6iWMdle6lIbuuZMzaNvb6zUCMEORWmlkcHcBO7X9HG_-sgsrCzO7dbZBPH4gFZ6ba1bmNmkoQd1zarMoN4_FfQ/s640/blogger-image--15931934.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQs8sw1d22nM7oWfYj4QzN2z275fpqiX1KtyF824Kx8Oeq0MhyCPrbSpMxxXp1DQm_z5osZEawG78ZfJqPCtiTanxQ5Etv8KewzxXQ8ik9qY046R6MnsC1ls6ao9vqnmoWZy5iV7UGtK4/s640/blogger-image-745221891.jpg"></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Had to work Saturday but it was still great after I got done. We went to an outdoor concert and there was fun dancing.</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Salad, pretzels, fries</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Black bean and corn salsa</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Veggie burrito bowl: shared</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Beer x2</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Walk, vigorous swing dancing</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Did ok I think? Who knows I can't remember. This is the problem with being late on a daily post.</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">I was so tired by the time I made it to bed but I was so happy to go out, the dancing was so fun and it was overall a pretty good day.</div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-23354010548072808182014-06-13T19:29:00.001-07:002014-06-13T19:29:34.882-07:00Friday June 13<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5q2UdZDDoElq2-ZxY5PfSSMoc7fLuN__-iUYe8r_Gl3pecpahL-e8Eb4vx67EaT9AhDWqo5i6Ji-jOSBWajdS4jYhpQlJQ1xTXfnXpEM0IozQEFtP42PnNFFP7kIMpk_ubz3KyVUIwtY/s640/blogger-image-2085731322.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5q2UdZDDoElq2-ZxY5PfSSMoc7fLuN__-iUYe8r_Gl3pecpahL-e8Eb4vx67EaT9AhDWqo5i6Ji-jOSBWajdS4jYhpQlJQ1xTXfnXpEM0IozQEFtP42PnNFFP7kIMpk_ubz3KyVUIwtY/s640/blogger-image-2085731322.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Today at work was pretty rough. I cried in front of a patient which is embarrassing as hell, but worse I cried out of frustration and also because she said a series of things including "are you a real doctor? How long have you been here? You don't know the answers to any of these questions." And the truth is I was mad for her because I didn't agree with the plan and I couldn't explain it because it wasn't a good plan and I got pretty upset and then she was mean to me even though I was on her side and I lost it a little.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It's been a really awful time for me overall at work and I'm ready to just say screw it. If I didn't have so much debt I would probably quit.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Salad, pretzels with hummus</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Banana</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Quinoa stir fry</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Beer</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Walk to work. That's it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Had a nice tall Smartwater today - it really is awesome tasting water. Total about 40 oz.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So work was pretty bad and I'm dreading going back tomorrow. I'm tired and a little bit angry and I don't feel like me. But it is nice to have visitors and I just need to lay this day to rest.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-51745690326912550142014-06-13T19:09:00.001-07:002014-06-13T19:09:39.132-07:00Thursday June 12<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0vt6ozxt-ZVK3A4UFR7MPRF_jOv75felxpiRc9o_-vhasd9H6Q7kqU0orM2-JbMq-9cWTCJpLtLQv79pDs1-9gN4Yclyv-LVqHRpUnsUHSwYomyRwBCr238dtnC0njpNH5zeghM6VXB8/s640/blogger-image-2025780198.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0vt6ozxt-ZVK3A4UFR7MPRF_jOv75felxpiRc9o_-vhasd9H6Q7kqU0orM2-JbMq-9cWTCJpLtLQv79pDs1-9gN4Yclyv-LVqHRpUnsUHSwYomyRwBCr238dtnC0njpNH5zeghM6VXB8/s640/blogger-image-2025780198.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Late entry for yesterday. It was an ok day yesterday: my sister in law (I'm going to stop typing all that and just call her my sister from now on) arrived with her boyfriend and I'm so happy they're going to be in town this summer.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Smoothie</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Veggie sandwich, fries</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Apple</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Out to dinner: bean tostada, few chips</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Wine</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">5 min stretching and round trip to work, long walk with dog</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I think I hit my 64 oz.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I can't even remember what I was thinking yesterday, let's just move on to today.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-10099848244866780262014-06-11T20:13:00.001-07:002014-06-11T20:13:47.097-07:00Wednesday June 11<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQhEE12joUeFfsiS1gNzf6VNiV_K6Vpd8yhC0dQBLc4c7hmn1Si3CraZq1iFUuWFV9WBeC56zbSrIOSultNAi2SPG6KifSoqs_JWdgjbzopB3B8d0zt2c_e1ICGXPKlvJ8zeUFfG3ma5A/s640/blogger-image--1018409028.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQhEE12joUeFfsiS1gNzf6VNiV_K6Vpd8yhC0dQBLc4c7hmn1Si3CraZq1iFUuWFV9WBeC56zbSrIOSultNAi2SPG6KifSoqs_JWdgjbzopB3B8d0zt2c_e1ICGXPKlvJ8zeUFfG3ma5A/s640/blogger-image--1018409028.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'm so sorry I was so super negative yesterday - things were better today I guess.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">My juicer arrived! I didn't really have enough produce so I haven't tried it out yet. I'm going to go to the store tomorrow and get crazy and I'm so excited.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Also my sister in law is coming to live with us tomorrow and my sister is visiting on Sunday and exciting things are happening and I'm ready to be happy. I'm so ready to be happy.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Smoothie - 32 oz is way better can't believe I went so many days with 12</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Vegan quesadilla</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tomatoes</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Peach</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Beer</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Sourdough bread with kale salad</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Long walk this evening with husband and dog</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">30ish oz. I've been waking up late and not even starting my day right with water. I think that might be a nice tiny goal for tomorrow.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I've been feeling like a disaster the past couple days, both emotionally and in terms of staying on top of what I need to accomplish. But I do think I can turn it around and I'm excited for what's next.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8474052317707714084.post-52872385172278639482014-06-10T19:51:00.001-07:002014-06-10T19:51:37.675-07:00Tuesday June 10<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyZFucSJWYEhTG0C2HLHHzMgHch-H3aCsdfnsLa39Co9vcKEuQp-OmgE5mRNOn9e-CEsfCDjagrc2vSIy1fsqmz33ZXE23_gpXWeE2pfgnJegoosb6ICLzpFgNbmLXZawgO4ViWm_qF1g/s640/blogger-image--79855047.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyZFucSJWYEhTG0C2HLHHzMgHch-H3aCsdfnsLa39Co9vcKEuQp-OmgE5mRNOn9e-CEsfCDjagrc2vSIy1fsqmz33ZXE23_gpXWeE2pfgnJegoosb6ICLzpFgNbmLXZawgO4ViWm_qF1g/s640/blogger-image--79855047.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Work was absolutely awful. People were so fucking bitchy.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Instead of signing out people gave me snark about what was typed on the list.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Instead of helping me with an angry patient the person I asked said I should get a social worker and yelled at me when I was just trying to follow up and take care of people.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Everyone I work with keeps making backhanded sarcastic remarks about work not being done right.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But you know what? There's nothing wrong with the work I'm doing. I do great work. I'm not kidding. I work really hard but I'm also good at my job.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I got paged at 5:30 this morning while still in bed. Apparently they don't know how night shifts work. I am not on call. I do not start until fucking 6:30 and I think that's early enough.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I don't know how much longer I can take it. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Intake</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Bananas</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tofu salad</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Tomatoes</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Olives</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Peach</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Potatoes</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Beer x1</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Activity</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">None</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Hydration</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Not great. 20 oz. maybe</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Thoughts</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Ready to frickin bury this day. That's it. That's all. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Xoxo little birds</div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701954673844293150noreply@blogger.com1