Awful

Today I binged on:

Chocolate chips

Peanuts

Cereal

Popcorn

And also had normal healthy meals and a snack.

And I feel terrible. 

I was trying to think about what happened that made me do this. I was doing ok for a little bit after I got home from work and then I just lost it. J was home (my man) and in and out of the house and I was sneaking handfuls and being all snappy and sneaky and it was just the worst.

Physically, being in this out of control binging phase makes me terrified because I think I'm actively gaining weight when all I want is to be like 25 pounds lighter. 

And mentally I'm acting all crazy and not myself and obsessing and feeling sick a lot of the time.

I don't know what the action plan needs to be, but I really need one and I'm getting scared of how dark my head is.