Thanks for the comments on my lunch post loves. The carrots tasted great, like super healthy pumpkin pie almost.
I was doing well on holding off a binge. I literally started to eat something, then threw it away because I knew I wasn't hungry. But around 3 this afternoon, I don't really know what happened. It started with "just a granola bar" and ended with eating peanut butter out of the jar with a knife. With lots in between. Then I was really quite full and thought, that's okay, I'll just wait until tomorrow to eat again.
Then I flew home (flight was fine, it's great to be home). And proceeded to eat more. First dinner - indian curry - was delicious. But then I just kept eating. I wasn't even hungry to begin with. I ate a couple bowls of cereal, a few potato chips, a bagel with peanut butter, a piece of potato bread, and I'm sure more that I can't remember.
And now I feel sick and disgusting of course. I hate this so much.
If I'm going to have disordered eating, fine. I'd really prefer to go back to the not eating side of things though, feeling sick all day after my binge isn't really any better than feeling hazy from lack of food. Either way I can't focus.
I want to find balance. I just want to be okay.
I bingeed 3 times yeesterday and one I didn´t throw up so I gained like 1.5 kg =(
ReplyDeleteI´m sorry you biged too sweetie
Tomorrrow is a new day
xx
i'm sorry :(
ReplyDeletei know what you're currently feeling only too well - i know you're trying to lose on a healthy amount but i think sometimes your meals aren't high-fat enough so your body is still starving. and if it makes you feel any better - that's a relatively healthy small binge! mine makes me feel like a monster with multiples bars of chocolate and the whole food cupboard! :( chin up lovely, you'll be OK, big hugs xxx