Mich: The mint syrup from my last post is from my local health food store. It carries an awesome selection of less-known products, but I've never seen it anywhere else :(
Koala: Thanks so much for your lovely comment. It was really sweet of you to say I'm strong. I tried to reply but you have your blog set up so only "team members" can comment. So I hope you don't mind that I say you're lovely and thank you a bunch here instead. :)
To today: Stay with me, I've been an idiot. I need some help.
Weight: 121.8. Yes that's gain. Read on and you'll see why...
It involves my car.
Because, my loves, yesterday I CROSSED A LINE.
A binge line. Yes I have trouble with binges, no secret there. They're my curse at the moment. However, up until yesterday, I would just binge on things I had in the house when the whim struck. I found I was much less likely to binge if I didn't have anything around that was conducive to binging. My triggers are cereal, trail mix and PBJ mostly.
HOWEVER, yesterday I crossed the proverbial binge line. I thought, "I want to binge on _______ and ________." And I GOT IN MY CAR, drove to the store, bought said crap items, and ate most of them. Of course I felt sick later, and when I got up this morning I threw away what was left (it was a box of cereal and a bag of sweet crackery things, and about half was left of each). THEN this afternoon I took them back out of the trashcan and finished them. I'm not concerned about the sanitation, it was a new trashbag. It's the shame of it. I wasn't going to write that part, but I know I'd feel better if I read of someone else doing that so if it can help any of you (even if you can just feel superior for a second - that's okay too) or if you can tell me I'm not insane, then it's worth it. It used to be I was safe from binges if the food wasn't in the house, so this CANNOT ever happen again.
Have you ever done this? Do you think I'm beyond gross?
I want to say I'm letting it go and it's going to be okay, but I'm so discouraged right now.
I like your car. She's purty. ;)
ReplyDeleteAs for the binge, that's kinda how I am. I binge on whatever's in the house. I don't have a car so I don't have to worry about driving somewhere. BUT at one of my grandparent's house there is a Wal-Mart literally up the street. Total set up for a binge. I'm not staying with her right now though. :) :( :/ :? <--Don't know what face to put. I think I've pulled stuff out of the garbage too to eat it. I'm sure I have. So don't feel bad. It's what us peeps with EDs do. 0.o Feel better.
I love the picture
ReplyDeletetry not to get too down, its one day. i know you already plan on not letting yourself make a habit of it so just focus all your energy on keeping on track rather than beating yourself down about it. you cant change the past only create your future.
Oh look at that! It was set to members only!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reply, I had no idea hahaha
Take care, oh an I like your car <3
I used to binge on foods that were just lying around the house, so I figured if I got rid of it, I'd solve the binging problem...
ReplyDeleteI never expected that I'd walk to the shops & intentionally pick out binge food. I felt ashamed of myself, but it didn't stop me eating it.
I know how you feel.
It's kinda scary when you realise you've effectively gone out of your way to binge.
You're definitely not alone! x