The Last Day of November

It's the very last day of November.

I want to post all the cute thanksgiving pics I found on the internet that I haven't yet. 

And by all I mean like 2 haha.

Anyway the beginning of a new month is tomorrow and that always excites me. It means a fresh start. Symbolically it helps me wipe away past mistakes and get hopeful about who I can be in the future. Not that I need a new month or a new week or even a new day in theory, but I think the milestone really helps me think carefully and be more mindful when a new month begins. In fact if I don't get a chance to reflect and mentally prepare for a new month I always feel surprised and a little disappointed.

So today I didn't have to work, we decorated for Christmas, I'm watching a live stream of a Christmas concert from a random church and I'm thinking about my life.

Among my questions:

What am I thankful for? 

What are things I'm loving in my life right now?

What would it take for me to be totally actually happy? 

What changes do I still want to make for a healthier life?

What do I feel like is getting in the way of my ideal life?

How can I make my relationships better?

Okay those were all kind of serious.

I'm also asking:

Am I too cheap? Meaning: should I be buying nicer wine?

Why do I have so many weird Christmas ornaments from my childhood?

Why is the tofu at chipotle so good?

If I jump my man now will he be able to go again tonight before we pass out?

How do I make my body hunger games strong?

What should I have for dinner?

What questions are on your mind tonight? Hope you're having a good one, 

Xoxo Erin

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy thanksgiving everyone! Ok, a couple days ago now.

I hope you all had a good one whether you celebrate it or not.

Mine was full of cooking - I hosted my in-laws. Everything turned out ok though and I was pretty happy. We watched some cheesy movies, played some games, and fed a couple friends who stopped by.

I'm not sure if I'm sick or have allergies but I've been pretty miserable the past week or so. I'm trying all kinds of things but I'm really sick of feeling gross.

Anyway my inlaws left this morning so now I'm sipping on some coffee and having leftover pie for breakfast.

Next up: Christmas decorations!

And I'm also going to see Hunger Games today. Was it good?

Love you have a great weekend.

Bikini Body

I had a startling realization this AM. I was talking to my man about booking our hotel for a wedding we're going to in January and we decided on this place:

Yeah. That's an infinity pool and the ocean. In Hawaii.

So we made our reservation and I started getting really excited about it. But then I realized it's ONLY 2 MONTHS AWAY! 

I'm so not ready to put on a swimsuit. Not even a little. Of course I'm working on body positivity and feeling comfortable in my skin no matter my attire etc. But there's nothing wrong with wanting to be a little more fit before I go on a luxurious vacation. 

So I was trying to come up with a plan that's liveable during the holidays and will also make me confidently more fit in 2 months time. 

I think the best plan is probably more exercise as opposed to diet-focused at least through until January with the holidays. I haven't really decided for sure what the plan should be - I want to think about it. Anyone have ideas for me? I just want to feel awesome without getting crazy.

Thanks loves.

Goals Update

A while ago I made an ambitious list of goals that I felt like if I achieved would take a big step into my ideal life. This morning with my coffee I'm taking a review of how I'm doing.

It was this post: http://jamandjabberwock.blogspot.com/2013/10/goals.html

The point is I had a lot of good ideas and some have gone well and some have really not.

A. Food: probably the worst of the categories. I've been binging, not planning meals, eating tons of dessert. I'm just way off track. I did send cookies to my sisters though. And at the moment there are healthy vegan spinach artichoke calzones in the oven, so I have to recognize the good here. Still, I don't feel that great in this category and I think I'd really like to improve it.

B. Exercise: I've been to the gym a few times, and we went on a gnarly hike up a mountain today, but nothing like the consistency I'm aiming for. This one needs more work too.

C. Studying: I've done more than none, but not committed the daily time like I intended to. Geez as I go through these categories I feel like I haven't really made any strides.

D. Relationships: actually this ones good. I've been seeing people outside work more, doing fun things, and calling my family. I guess that's the most important things in life so maybe I'm not so far off. Spiritually I've been a little unfocused though.

E. Fun: I picked up my knitting, but I haven't done much reading. I've sort of done a good job posting here, which I do find fun. No new hobbies to report, I wish, but like I said I've been going out more. We joined a board game group through our church. And of course there's my darling dog, I have more fun playing with her all the time.

So it seems like I've been trying to enjoy my life. At the same time I do feel like I've been ignoring a couple key things that are making me not enjoy everything else as much as I'd like to. One is food - I don't want to go on a diet or anything, but I really haven't been eating to respect my body and I would like to do that. I also haven't been treating myself to exercise endorphins the way I'd like to. I want it to feel like a good thing, not a guilt thing. 

How do you balance your goals so they don't feel like guilt?

Confession

I am playing Christmas music and I am not backing down for anyone.

Some people get all weird about it before Thanksgiving but I firmly believe the emotional connection it holds can be holiday music in general and it makes me thankful and in the thanksgiving spirit too so it's not in any way out of place.

As I was looking for thanksgiving images on the inter webs I found this picture and I thought it was such a cute outfit.

So yeah, it's really mid November and I'm in the holiday spirit. Last night we had a fire in our fireplace and it was really nice. I also drank a smidge too much red wine so I'm writing from bed and waiting for my pain meds to kick in and the coffee to be done brewing. J is next to me in bed playing iPhone games so we're being lazy together. That's a nice Saturday morning. And I have tomorrow off too! Crazy. I'm sure I'll be back soon as I try to figure out the best way to spend all my free time.

Work Post

Hey all. I'm posting from work. I really just want to go home and take a nap but I guess I'm counting my blessings that it's not crazy busy and I have time to type. I feel like I need a vacation but my next break is New Years. At least I have all of next weekend off. Just have to make it through today and 2 more days and it will be the weekend. It's only Wednesday and I'm counting down haha what does that say? 

I went to the gym this morning for the first time in weeks.

And now I'm starving even though I had a giant lunch like 2.5 hrs ago. It's nice though, to feel like I did something good for my body this morning. 

I think it's also that I didn't sleep well last night. I had all kinds of nightmares about patients that weren't even mine, just ones I heard about. And I kept waking up.

I can't even believe how over this day I am it's shocking. I'm like totally sleepy.

You know what I would love? Just a whole day to sleep in, do yoga, go shopping, watch TV, play with my dog, take a nap and then spend some time with my husband. What if I just don't go to work tomorrow? Jk someone would go totally crazy on my ass if I skipped. Nice to be needed I guess.

Can I just leave work now and go take a nap? The answer is no. I still have like 2 more hours. Ugh maybe it's because yesterday was a 12 hour workday but I'm just dead. I can't figure out my mood right now or why I'm so upset.

It makes me want to eat the world. Also not good.

Happy Wednesday I guess. :/

Friends!

Hi pretties I missed you.

I hope you don't mind but I think of you readers (all 3 of you) as my real life internet friends and when things feel hard I sometimes think about my semi anonymous friendships with you and how you care even though we're not real life face to face and it helps.

So anyway I just had my first 2 days off in a row in 12 weeks and I slept a ton but also made some poor food choices and wasn't 100% very awesome and I've been thinking about my goals and my ideal life and looking at areas where things aren't adding up. 

Some things were great - lots if things were not.

Things I did that were ideal life-worthy:

1. Played flag football with colleagues

2. Took L to the dog park

3. Baked cookies and shipped them to my sisters

4. Returned clothes at a couple stores from my birthday-and saved the $

5. Made meal plan and bought vegetables

6. Knitted

7. Coffee

8. Put my dog in a reindeer costume - as awesome as it sounds

Things I think could be changed:

1. Ate a bunch of the cookies I baked for my sisters

2. Watched like 5 hours in a row of Gossip Girl on Netflix - even though I've already seen it

3. Stayed up til 4 AM on Thursday night - my first night off - because I binged too much and couldn't lie flat

4. Wore sweat pants the whole past 2 days

5. Haven't had sex in at least a week

So yeah I've loved having 2 days off but I could do better to make my life awesome.

Do you guys have suggestions? I really struggle with the eating things I wish I hadn't and watching too much tv - tell me how you avoid that.

Love you pretty birds.

An extra hour

Twice a year the time changes and this weekend it's the good one where we get an extra hour. 

I was thinking about what I would do if I had an extra hour every day. Be better rested? I could be much smarter from all the study I would have time for, or be super fit. Maybe put more effort into my appearance? Eh probably not that. More social time, quality time with my friends or J? Idk. 

The point isn't that I really think I can add an extra hour to the day but it made me think about my priorities and what I should be doing with the 24 hours I have.

That said, tonight there is an extra hour for all of my American friends, will you spend it sleeping? Socializing? Watching that movie you don't ever have time for? Whatever you choose, happy time change.

Ugh

Well I spoke too soon about it being a good night last night. Round about 7 pm I started feeling really nauseous and then I started puking. The first time there was still food in my stomach but all the times after that it was just empty stomach retching.

It was awful. I hardly slept and I'm still super nauseous. I've managed to keep down some ginger ale and a little bit of cereal. I have work tomorrow so here's hoping I'm better by then. 

Ugh.

Healing thoughts. At least it's cold out and I don't really want to go outside anyway right?

Made It

So I made it through another week. 6 days of work and I get a day off tomorrow. It's not even close to the 16 days from last stretch yet I feel just as beat. I think maybe that's a sign that we just handle what we have to. 

I don't even know what to do tomorrow with my day off but I think tonight I'm going to drink a little and cook with my husband, maybe go shopping at Anthropologie or Forever 21 because I got some thoughtful birthday presents that I don't totally love and am going to return for something I really like.

Or maybe I'll stay in bed and rest up after this week.

I say that but the truth is I never feel like it was a good day if I don't get up and out and do things. Active things, fun things, not too much in my house things. 

Just 40 minutes until the end of my work day - yes I'm blogging from work on my phone. Well, I missed you what can I say?

For the past couple days I've been doing pretty ok. I went to the gym on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Wednesday and Friday I just couldn't rally. It's not like I was up late for Halloween or anything, I was just beat. So I haven't done any exercise today and I'm trying really hard to be okay with it. I have a hard time with moderation, whether it's food or exercise, it's either too much or too little. And with exercise this week I think I actually did a healthy person moderate amount but since I didn't get to the gym every day I feel like it wasn't enough.

Food wise it's actually been a really good week. No binges at all. That's 7 days - assuming I make it through tonight. And I'm feeling much better, not bloated, more fit, and more able to focus on important things and do my job because I'm not trying to figure out how to sneak in dessert and binging. I even studied this week. Well, sort of. Baby steps.

Yesterday Intake

Smoothie after gym

Peanut butter banana oatmeal

Salad with sesame noodles and tofu

Apple

Lasagna

Today

Peanut butter banana oats

Pad Thai, honeydew and grapes

(Future planned): pot pie stew, sweet potato biscuits

Wine x3 - 15 oz max

It's going to be a good night. I hope for you too.