The Past 2 Years

I haven't written a post here in over 2 years.

Trigger warning: miscarriage

In part I was writing on another blog that isn't anonymous, and in part it was just a very busy part of life and in large part I stepped away from writing all together.

My last post I wrote about feeling like I was drinking a little too much and that I was planning to start trying to get pregnant soon after. I do think some of what I wrote was just a little reactionary to being hungover when I hadn't been in ages, but it was still good to cut back a little.

I'd like to catch you up on the past 2 years. I'll try not to make it too lengthy:

- I started trying to get pregnant in April 2015, it was easy to stop drinking for that.
- I was totally obsessed with trying to conceive - I took ovulation tests, I charted my temperature, I made sure we had our best chance.
- I got pregnant in July 2015. I was so excited.
- I was on vacation at a wedding when I started bleeding at 7 weeks. I slowly bled through the whole trip with in-laws all around knowing that I was probably losing my baby and not being able to do anything to stop it. We hadn't told them I was pregnant, and we didn't want to ruin such a happy event, so we kept it between my husband and me.
- When we got back home I went in to be seen for the bleeding. They measured me at 5 weeks, but I should have been 7. Since I'd been so obsessed with the whole getting pregnant thing I was very sure about that. They couldn't confirm then that it was a miscarriage because things looked intact and if I really had been 5 weeks, they wouldn't have expected to see a heartbeat.
- I kept bleeding for a week until my follow up appointment.
- At my follow up they confirmed what I already knew - that it was a miscarriage. Since it was already progressing I didn't need a procedure.
- I was on a night shift in the intensive care unit when I finally miscarried. It happened and I had to go right back out and admit a patient. It was horrible even though I was expecting it.
- I had a hard time with the whole thing, but felt ready to try again within a couple months.
- I got pregnant again at the beginning of Oct 2015.
- This time it was healthy and I had a baby boy. He's a toddler now.
- I finished training for my career in June 2016 as well.
- I moved across country with my new baby.
- I started a new job.
- I bought a house.

I wouldn't say I'm doing a great job with my life right now - there's so much I'd like to work on to be healthier, happier etc. But really things are ok.

xoxo little birds