So Defeated

I'm feeling so defeated.

7 days until I'm expecting either a period or a positive pregnancy test - but this post isn't about that at all.

This post is about work. I'm intentionally vague on this blog because I want it to remain anonymous, but I'm a healthcare provider and see patients as part of my daily life.

Today I left work so angry and I don't know what else to say about it.

I saw a patient today who I bent over backwards to see and allowed to reschedule when she showed up 90 mins late to her appointment. Sure she had to wait to the new rescheduled time, but I allowed her to reschedule same day which is frankly really unusual. Unheard of. 

I spent a good 2 hours on this family today between no-showing and the reschedule and it was a super frustrating interaction. She wouldn't hear my recommendations for upcoming tests and treatment - she knew best and seemed offended that I knew about the genetic syndrome she had and that I had recommendations about it. 

At the end of the day she called back to say she wanted a different doctor in my practice to be her doctor. 

After all the work and kindness I put in she figuratively slapped me in the face and I'm having a real crisis with this. 

I never get upset when patients switch to a different doc - we all know we have different personalities and it's easier if everyone feels comfortable. In the end I guess this is a good thing - clearly she wasn't comfortable with what I said or something about our interaction.

I guess I'm just feeling really sad about it anyway.

I put so much of my heart into these patients and to get thrown away like that from a single interaction after I was so kind about allowing her to be seen so quickly and frankly super thorough and apparently me recommending she get routine surveillance for her syndrome is offensive. 

I don't know I just want to quit everything. 

It also makes me want to never let new patients reschedule like that. Screw it I'm not required to accept them when they no-show. I can say they're not welcome. I don't know why I attract these freaking disasters and just keep trying and trying and trying.

I'm sick of it. I'm not going to do it anymore. I work so hard to provide a service. I don't deserve to be treated like shit.

Thanks for letting me vent.

xoxo little birds