One Addiction to Another

I spend the weekend in gorgeous Colorado.

It was a 6 hour drive each way for only one full day though, for a wedding.

I got super drunk last night and I was so hungover today for the drive back.

Miserable.

Now I'm watching TV and wondering how long it's going to take me to pack up all my stuff to move tomorrow.

I have not been making good choices lately. 

This trip was great but in terms of taking care of myself I'm having a hard time.

Today is the first day in I think a full month that I haven't had a drink. 

A full month.

And it's not just 1 drink a day. Most days I've had 2-3 drinks, sometimes more.

I've probably been drinking too much for a couple years now. When I think about it with a clear head, it's actually not surprising at all.

I went from one addiction to another - when I mostly stopped starving and over-exercising I told myself "this is a good thing, you're recovering, you're getting better." And it was - I don't want to ignore the progress I made - but I didn't finish dealing with why I using my eating disorder as an escape and I started using alcohol for the same reason.

I think I need to invest a little in my emotional well-being now. It's time to stop ignoring the things I'm struggling with and in order to do that I need to have a clear head for a little while.

I'm not going to 100% stop drinking indefinitely - that's coming up soon anyway because I'm going to start trying to get pregnant - so in the couple months left before we're planning to start trying, I just want to cut back to not drinking most days, never drink enough that I feel hungover or that it affects my sleep, and follow American Heart Association guidelines - meaning no more than 7 drinks a week. 

I think to start with I'm going to not drink for the next 7 days - it's just been a long time since I went that long and I actually think it's going to be really hard. Like really hard.

I have certain conditioned times of day when I crave it - like right when I get home I like to have a beer and with certain meals I really want red wine and if there's a bottle already open then I'll see it and always pour myself a glass. 

I'm about to go to bed, so that's 1 day down.

One day at a time. 

xoxo little birds