Sunday, March 8, 2015

One Addiction to Another

I spend the weekend in gorgeous Colorado.
It was a 6 hour drive each way for only one full day though, for a wedding.
I got super drunk last night and I was so hungover today for the drive back.
Now I'm watching TV and wondering how long it's going to take me to pack up all my stuff to move tomorrow.
I have not been making good choices lately. 
This trip was great but in terms of taking care of myself I'm having a hard time.
Today is the first day in I think a full month that I haven't had a drink. 

A full month.
And it's not just 1 drink a day. Most days I've had 2-3 drinks, sometimes more.

I've probably been drinking too much for a couple years now. When I think about it with a clear head, it's actually not surprising at all.

I went from one addiction to another - when I mostly stopped starving and over-exercising I told myself "this is a good thing, you're recovering, you're getting better." And it was - I don't want to ignore the progress I made - but I didn't finish dealing with why I using my eating disorder as an escape and I started using alcohol for the same reason.

I think I need to invest a little in my emotional well-being now. It's time to stop ignoring the things I'm struggling with and in order to do that I need to have a clear head for a little while.

I'm not going to 100% stop drinking indefinitely - that's coming up soon anyway because I'm going to start trying to get pregnant - so in the couple months left before we're planning to start trying, I just want to cut back to not drinking most days, never drink enough that I feel hungover or that it affects my sleep, and follow American Heart Association guidelines - meaning no more than 7 drinks a week. 

I think to start with I'm going to not drink for the next 7 days - it's just been a long time since I went that long and I actually think it's going to be really hard. Like really hard.

I have certain conditioned times of day when I crave it - like right when I get home I like to have a beer and with certain meals I really want red wine and if there's a bottle already open then I'll see it and always pour myself a glass. 

I'm about to go to bed, so that's 1 day down.

One day at a time. 

xoxo little birds

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